
According to Bronnie Ware, a palliative care nurse and author, the most common regret people have on their deathbeds is not having had the courage to live a life true to themselves, but instead living the life others expected of them. This desire to live authentically, often dismissed as a passing whim, stays with us throughout life and is far from just a fleeting idea. After all, who are we to question the final words of those who’ve passed?
I once hoped this sense of dissatisfaction was just a phase. But then, I realized it was better to start pursuing authenticity sooner rather than later. The question was - how do we go after something when we’re not even sure what it is? For some, a 9-to-5 job, a monogamous marriage, and a stable life is the dream. For others, that idea is downright terrifying. Unfortunately, for those of us in the latter group, things can get trickier. While the former group has a clear path, with role models and examples to follow, those of us wanting to do things differently need to get more creative.
But it’s important to be cautious: there’s no shortage of people selling their version of authenticity, whether through exotic travels, spiritual practices, or financial schemes. In reality, being true to ourselves doesn’t always require making big, dramatic changes. Sometimes, simply exercising our freedom of thought in a world that imposes such rigid ways of thinking is, in itself, an act of resistance and courage. And probably the first step toward living an authentic life.
It’s impossible to build a life aligned with what we want if we don’t first know what we want. And discovering that requires courage, deep reflection, tough questions, and facing uncomfortable feelings.
It’s not always necessary to drop everything and retreat to a desert island. We can start with what’s closest to us: ourselves and the relationships we have with those around us.
Being trapped in a role we don’t identify with turns life into a tedious and endless play, both for us and for those who share the stage with us.
Perhaps it’s worth taking a moment to reconsider the choices we’ve made. If life were unfolding right now in its final act, would we be satisfied with the role we’ve played? What choices could we have made to get closer to the person we wanted to be and the life we truly desired?
Relationships inevitably play a central role in this reflection. Perhaps that’s why so many people regret not shaping them according to who they truly are, but instead molding them based on others’ expectations. It was with this in mind that I created The Relationship Design Game, a tool for creating more authentic relationships. You can learn more about the game HERE.
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