The Magic of the Mood Magnet

How many times do we feel like we need something, but don’t know how to express it?

Understanding our own needs can be challenging enough, but communicating them to those around us can be even harder. We often expect others to pick up on what we need without us having to say a word. But is that really realistic?

It’s not always easy to talk about what we need. We might fear seeming needy, bothering someone, or not being understood. However, clear communication makes living together more harmonious and smooth. Expressing our own needs is just as important as being aware of others' needs.

It was with this idea in mind that the Mood Magnet was created - a magnetic board for the fridge, a central item in most homes. Each person selects a color and can mark up to three needs each day. This simple practice provides a moment of self-reflection and helps us consider what we can give to others.

Whether it’s silence and space, deep conversations, or simply light moments and a bit of fun, the Mood Magnet provides an easy way to visually express what each person needs. While others may not always be able to fulfill those needs, making them visible creates the opportunity for it to happen.

This tool isn’t just for couples. In any shared space - whether with family, friends, housemates, or other relationships - it’s important to have this kind of dialogue. And of course, different people can meet different needs. It’s not about imposing responsibilities, but rather creating an environment where each person can express what they need and stay aware of others' signals. The balance lies not in expecting one person to meet all of another’s needs, but in creating genuine and conscious support networks.

The Mood Magnet may not solve all communication challenges, but it’s a valuable first step. It allows us to express what we feel without needing to find the perfect words or wait for the right moment. Most importantly, it fosters an environment where listening and mutual respect come naturally.

If there’s a way to make relationships easier, it’s through understanding. And that understanding starts with simple steps: asking, listening, reflecting, feeling, and expressing what we need. Without fear, guilt, or rushing to judgment.

The Life We Don’t Live

According to Bronnie Ware, a palliative care nurse and author, the most common regret people have on their deathbeds is not having had the courage to live a life true to themselves, but instead living the life others expected of them. This desire to live authentically, often dismissed as a passing whim, stays with us throughout life and is far from just a fleeting idea. After all, who are we to question the final words of those who’ve passed?

I once hoped this sense of dissatisfaction was just a phase. But then, I realized it was better to start pursuing authenticity sooner rather than later. The question was - how do we go after something when we’re not even sure what it is? For some, a 9-to-5 job, a monogamous marriage, and a stable life is the dream. For others, that idea is downright terrifying. Unfortunately, for those of us in the latter group, things can get trickier. While the former group has a clear path, with role models and examples to follow, those of us wanting to do things differently need to get more creative.

But it’s important to be cautious: there’s no shortage of people selling their version of authenticity, whether through exotic travels, spiritual practices, or financial schemes. In reality, being true to ourselves doesn’t always require making big, dramatic changes. Sometimes, simply exercising our freedom of thought in a world that imposes such rigid ways of thinking is, in itself, an act of resistance and courage. And probably the first step toward living an authentic life.

It’s impossible to build a life aligned with what we want if we don’t first know what we want. And discovering that requires courage, deep reflection, tough questions, and facing uncomfortable feelings.

It’s not always necessary to drop everything and retreat to a desert island. We can start with what’s closest to us: ourselves and the relationships we have with those around us.

Being trapped in a role we don’t identify with turns life into a tedious and endless play, both for us and for those who share the stage with us.

Perhaps it’s worth taking a moment to reconsider the choices we’ve made. If life were unfolding right now in its final act, would we be satisfied with the role we’ve played? What choices could we have made to get closer to the person we wanted to be and the life we truly desired?

Relationships inevitably play a central role in this reflection. Perhaps that’s why so many people regret not shaping them according to who they truly are, but instead molding them based on others’ expectations. It was with this in mind that I created The Relationship Design Game, a tool for creating more authentic relationships. You can learn more about the game HERE.

Communication Tools for Relationships

In this article, we’ll share some practical communication tools that can help enhance the quality of your relationships.

It’s challenging to reach, and maintain, a place of satisfaction in a relationship where everyone involved feels respected and understood without good communication.

But communication isn’t easy. We have at our disposal an extraordinary tool: language - whether spoken, written, or expressed through body language. It took millions of years to develop, and even today, using it freely requires courage and resilience. Even for those who have that freedom, communication remains a challenge.

It’s not always easy to find the right moment, deal with shame or guilt, or choose the right words. There’s the fear of hurting or being hurt, hearing hard truths, or being misunderstood. Of course, some conversations are easier than others, but avoiding the difficult ones creates a growing discomfort that, over time, can lead to a breakdown.

The good news is that everything gets better with practice. Over time, even the toughest conversations become more manageable. We learn to regulate our emotions, develop strategies, and, if necessary, seek help from qualified professionals to facilitate the process.

If you’re on this journey, here are three suggested tools to help structure conversations with the people you connect with. If you’re not currently in a relationship, the last suggestion can be used as a tool for self-awareness, making it easier to approach new relationships more consciously in the future - if that’s what you choose.

1. Multiamory RADAR

Multiamory is a podcast with hundreds of incredibly informative episodes that cover a wide range of topics related to different relationship dynamics, from monogamous to non-monogamous ones. The episodes feature scientific research, thoughtful reflections, and the sharing of both personal and professional experiences. On top of that, they offer practical tools to help improve communication in relationships.

One of their most popular tools is RADAR, a check-in framework designed to help you evaluate your relationship, identify what’s working, address areas that need attention, and strengthen your connection.

You can explore RADAR HERE.

2. Relationship Smorgasbord

The Relationship Smorgasbord is a tool that works like a “buffet” of relationship possibilities, allowing people to consciously choose what they want to include in their relationship - whether it’s romantic, sexual, platonic, or familial. Rooted in the principles of autonomy and consent, the Relationship Smorgasbord encourages open conversations to align expectations, adjust dynamics, and ensure mutual respect.

It can be helpful both at the start of a relationship and as a way to revisit and adapt existing ones, acknowledging that needs and desires evolve over time.

You can download the Relationship Smorgasbord using the link below:

rasmorgasbord_v6.pdf

Download PDF • 82KB

3. The Relationship Design Game

The Relationship Design Game is an interactive and dynamic tool that presents various scenarios and statements, challenging participants to collaboratively decide what they do or don’t want in their relationship while organizing their decisions visually.

The game questions cultural values often tied to relationships and encourages discussions on topics like exclusivity, family dynamics, finances, honesty, and more. It includes 95 bilingual cards (Portuguese and English) and can be played individually, as a pair, or in a group. By fostering reflection and communication, it helps create more conscious and personalized relationships.

You can explore the Relationship Design Game HERE. I hope you find these tools helpful in improving communication within your relationships!